Where Much is Given, Much is Required

So....I really, really, REALLY should be doing my homework right now, but my brain literally won't let me. I am so burnt out that my body is choosing to shut down for the night, so I have decided on a little blogging for the night, maybe a little, light, enjoyable reading and then bed time.

Today I am feeling a more spiritual blog post coming on. I know, I know....what a typical Utah girl blog, but I think it is a good idea to be reminded every once and a while about those things.

So over the past 6-8 I am pretty sure I have experienced hell and back. I went off my own personal deep end and hit rock bottom. My grades suffered, I was not a happy person, I wasn't fun to be around, everything was always going wrong and the list just continues on and on. The sucky part was that I knew all of that crap attributed to me not reading scriptures, saying prayers and doing the little things we should all be doing. My extent of church stuff was going to church and just sitting....that was it.

So as Christmas break came and went I realized there needed to be some changes made. I was hating myself for being tired, unhappy, miserable and just not in a good place. I decided to start slowly reading scriptures and saying prayers again and I tried to make it a goal to at least actively listen through one meeting at church. I also decided to start a gratitude journal.....cliche I know, but I had heard so many good things that I figured it couldn't hurt.

Slowly, after working piece by piece on all of these things I have started to feel like me again. I am happy almost all of the time and I have started seeing the good in everything thing again. My optimism is back and I am loving it. That alone is a huge testimony builder to me, but here is the real light blub moment that hit me this weekend.

On saturday, as I was writing down in my journal, I realized that every little thing that happened that day was good and something to be thankful for. As I finished writing I looked at the bottom of the page and low and and behold what scripture was on the bottom, the ever so classic "where much is given much is required."

At first I kinda felt like "oh crap" I don't have time or energy to give much back to the Lord right now because even though I am happy, I am being absolutely run through the mud. However as soon as I had that thought, it was taken over by the other thought of "what are you thinking you dough brain, of course you can give back anything and everything to him." If the Lord is willing to give me all these blessings the heck yes I will do anything for him. Working and following what he wants me to do is totally worth it, even if it means I am completely drained. IT IS ALL WORTH IT! I will give everything so I never have to go back to being in that miserable state again. It has taken me twenty years to figure it out, but my heck, I think I finally figured it out.

Beyond that I have also slowly learned that when I put the Lord first, he ALWAYS helps out. I have even just noticed that in the past couple months. Yeah things are still hard, but everything in now do-able.

Ok so there is my little blurb for tonight. I just want to leave with saying put the Lord first. I KNOW it is probably the hardest thing to do, but I'll let you in on a little secret.....there is nothing more worth it!